Life As I Know It

Finished Another One...

2012-02-02T11:21:00.000-05:00

Pam's Quilt. Click here for more details and pictures.

Sag Slam 2012

2012-01-30T06:27:00.000-05:00

Good morning, my lovely possums!! Mondays aren't so bad when you know they'll be filled with the unapologetic mockery of celebrities, am I right?

To tell the truth, I got so caught up in the anticipation of the Oscars that I completely forgot about the SAGS and didn't even watch them. Luckily, twitter lit up last night alerting me to my negligence and this morning I hied it to my computer and started gathering pics.

Many are wonderful. Many are NOT. Some are a little boring. However, since I'm pressed for time today I'm not going to organize them into categories, I'm just going to comment on them as they fell, except for two. At the very end as always there'll be a Best In Show award. In addition, and for perhaps the first time in Slam history, there'll also be a Worst In Show award.

Can you even bear the excitement? Me, neither. Let's go!

Kristin Wiig
I really like this in theory, but the choker at her throat is ruining it for me. The halter is so high that the choker makes me think of a dog collar and Kristin Wiig is no dog. She's so distracted me that I didn't even notice how awesomely she's carrying off the wearing of the white without looking like a bride. Well done, Kristin! Just, next time, focus your bling on your arms and ears if there's not enough room left on your neck.

Shailene Woodley
It's like she's taken one thing from her movie with George Clooney (Hawaii) and plastered it all over her body in the most unflattering color ever. Don't get me wrong. I love blue, and I love blue and orange together - usually I love it best on a man's necktie, though. Here it seems garish and out of step with the rest of the crowd, and not in a good way.

Paz Vega
This was the only pic I could find of her but I wanted to post it as an example of a two-tone dress I don't hate. It works because the top, with it's silky folds, and the bottom, all shiney and sleek, looks like a tuxedo for a woman when put together. Paz is bringing. it. all over the place.

Viola Davis
This woman can freaking pick a dress! Or perhaps her stylist is just really talented, honestly it could be either. Whatever, though, this rocks. She's showing some skin but the appliqued gold distracts the eye and you don't really notice that you're staring at her girlie-bits because the design and pattern are so lovely. I don't know how she keeps knocking it out of the park but I'd like to give her a pat on the back. It's amazing that she's the same woman who played Abilene in The Help.

Jenna Ushkowitz
I'm not sure this could get much worse. The floral pattern is more suited to a garden party than an awards show. The cut-outs are jarring with the white edging, and the skirt ends at mid-thigh leaving this filmy, drapy fabric falling to her feet in what looks to be what the Fug Girls would call a shower curtain for her legs. Bad. Very bad.

Tilda Swinton
Not setting the world on fire with this dress but certainly not burning any bridges either. It's understated, simple, and it fits her really well. I give it one thumb up.

Sofia Vergara
Do you think Sofia ever gets tired of being the hottest woman in the room? Because good god! I have nothing to add to this.

Octavia Spencer
Like the lilac dress she wore to the Globes, this dove gray gown is really beautiful. I don't love the way the waist seems to be knotted the way you would knot a towel, but I'll cut her a lot of slack. She looks good.

Kyra Sedgewick
I cannot believe that Kyra and Kevin have been together for 20-something years. And they both still look reasonably good. This is a great color on her, the cutouts are fun and not overly ambitious. They complement the neckline beautifully and she looks really happy and relaxed.

Zoe Saldana
Were they getting rid of the costumes from Little House on the Prairie last week? Because I really want to assume that she raided the boxes and grabbed one of Ma's sheerer numbers for putting Pa through his paces. Rest in Peace, Michael Landon.

Maya Rudolph
This two tone isn't working quite as well as I'd want it to, but it's still really pretty and she looks good.

Meryl Streep
I think the older Meryl gets the more she likes to give the single finger salute to the world at large and Hollywood in particular. What the hell is this supposed to be? A dress with a big shawl belted down to keep it from blowing away? Are those formal shorts? I can't even tell. And it makes me sad.
Rose Byrne
Speaking of sad. There are just so many things wrong with this. 1.) Rose, honey, this is a formal event and despite what you may have heard there's no such thing as formal pants. 2.) In addition, there's no such thing as a formal JUMPSUIT. Not since Elvis, anyway. 3.) If you decide to wear pants out in public (and I'm all for it in general) you need to HEM your pants so that the tips of your shoes at a minimum are showing. 4.) Please find a different haircut. I want to say that from the waist up you look stunning but I CAN'T. Ahem.

Natalie Portman
I really want to like this. The color is excellent and it fits her really well, but that weird flowering fabric boob-extender is really distracting. I mean, what is it's purpose? Take my advice: lop it off and at your waist add a sparkling little clip. Trust me.

Busy Phillips
Was she too busy to find a dress? Was she helping Zoe paw through old LHOP costumes? Did she decide to go Meryl's route and tell the world through her actions that she doesn't care what anyone thinks of her? Because...let me tell you, Busy, you look awful. And I've seen you look so wonderful. What the hell happened?

Naya Rivera
I don't think she could look any more smoking hot than she does right now. the color is great and the design is really beautiful. So much more interesting that just plain sequins. The plunge is a bit much for me but when you've paid money for 'em, I guess you wanna show 'em off. Nicely done.

Gretchen Mol
Ugh. Why does Gretchen always do this to me? She shows up and people think, "So she's finally gone all the way batshit crazy, then? Okay, cool." This looks like something the 70s threw back. It's not horrible but it's just not very pretty or flattering, either.

Lea Michele
Omg, Lea, we get it. You're a freaking sex-kitten. Men want to be with you and women want to be you. Triple threat: singer, actor, goddess extraordinaire. I don't know why I was so enamored of you when you first hit the red carpets and why I'm so over you now, but I think it's because in pictures you look like you take yourself way too seriously. Smile, maybe? There's no reason to glower at the camera so imperiously. That's Angelina Jolie's schtick and and she's better at it than you.

Melissa McCarthy
I'm not sure I'm loving this. I'm all for draping fabric but this seems to accentuate curves that you'd rather hide (or, on my body I try to hide them). The color is good and at least it doesn't have pockets, but everything just seems a little off here.

Jayma Mayes
I really like this. It's very simple and understated and you know about my love for capped sleeves. It seems to maybe fit her just a tiny bit small in the area of her uterus, but I'm not going to quibble.

Heather Morris
At first I really like this. Then I noticed the shower curtain over her legs and realized that it's just a short cocktail dress with a train tacked on in back, and the sheer fabric tacked on in front. Not acceptable awards show wear, I'm afraid. I do love the off the shoulder look, though.

Jane Lynch
Okay, not for nothing, but I feel like I've seen this on Jane a million times, just in different colors. She looks fine, great in fact, but I'm bored.

Jessica Lange
I kind of love this. It fits her great, it's sleek and simple, it's sparkly and the neckline is very flattering. She's letting her collar bones be her decoration and they're doing a bang-up job. Nicely done.
Julianna Margulies
Finally! Julianna wears something I don't hate on sight!! It's a miracle! Can I get an AMEN?! Okay, okay. She looks SLIGHTLY bridal in this, but it's not fatal. It fits her well, the little flowers are sweet and her shoulders look amazing.

Judy Greer
Speaking of bridal. I love Judy Greer and I love her hair and make here up so I really wish I loved this dress but I don't. From the waist up she looks so demure and prim and delicate, so I think it's the skirt that's ruining it for me, but I really can't put my finger on it. It's very 70s bride, though.

Kate Flannery
It's amazing to see Kate Flannery at awards shows because on the Office she's easily the dowdiest person in the room every day. So when she cleans up and puts on a gown I'm always delighted to see how much she's bringing to the party. This color is perfect for her and the cut and design are great. I love the straps, so much more interesting that just skinny strips of fabric. She looks amazing.
Jenna Fischer
I've given Jenna a hard time over the years but it looks like she's finally figured it out. This is really lovely. The color is great on her, it hugs her post-baby bod in a really flattering way but it's not overly ornate or flowery as in the past. Well done.

Emma Stone
I remember a few years ago Tina Fey wore something similar to the Globes and people hated it. I loved it and I really love this too. It's playful and pretty without being dragged down by the gloomy color. The shoes are fabulous and she looks awesome.

Emilia Clarke
Okay, confession: I love her on Game of Thrones. I think she's going to be a force to be reckoned with in Season 2. She is no kind of force here, though. It's another two-tone dress I hate. The top seems overly stiff and the bottom overly soft and feathery. They don't seem to match very well and I don't understand why anyone would put them together.

Glenn Close
What a change from the GG dress. She looks very feminine and soft here and I think it's because of the sheer, gauzy sleeves. The bodice is maybe a little too structured for me but I think it works in the overall design of the dress. She looks great.

Tina Fey
This isn't bad. I'm not sure I love the drooping of the silver fabric up top (it just makes me think of drooping boobs) but this is the kind of two-tone dress I can usually get behind. She looks really good.
Julie Bowen
What an interesting dress. and I don't mean that in the Midwestern Interesting=Awful/Ridiculous/Stupid definition. I really mean interesting to look at. The sleeves are great, showing off her guns and her gown itself is a great color for her. I love the draping bodice and I guess I just love it overall. She looks really great.

Emily Blunt
I've seen this dress a million times before but I really like the color Emily chose. It fits her really well and overall I have no complaints.

Jessica Chastain
This is a a little too understated for me. The color is good but that's about the only thing of interest to talk about. I do really love her Old Hollywood hair, though.

Angelina Jolie
I have very little to say about this. It fits her, it's hiding what could be referred to a food baby or a real baby (the rumor mill has been lousy with baby talk this week) and I mean, she's La Jolie. She almost always looks awesome and tonight is no exception.

Dianna Agron
This is pretty fabulous. She looks girlish and feminine and very pretty. The color is great, the cut of the dress is lovely and she looks really good.

Michelle Williams
Another very interesting dress. the asymmetrical neckline under the lace is so fun, and the lace is pretty rather than fussy. The color isn't awesome; it's a little too melon for my taste but at least it's not full-on orange. I'm not loving her bridesmaidy dyed to match the dress shoes, though.

Worst in Show

Jane Krakowski
Can someone please get Jane on the phone and ask her for me what the HELL she was thinking? Because for the love of gawd this is terrible. It looks like ants are attacking her boobs which she was helpfully flashing the crowd of photogs. Definitely the worst of the night.

Best in Show

Diane Lane
This, I love. The color is fabulous, the cut is perfect, it fits her body beautifully and that extra piece of drapy fabric adds to the look, rather than taking away from it (Natalie Portman). Her hair, jewelry and accessories are perfectly chosen and she looks totally amazing. Well freaking done.

And that's all, folks. Another awards show, and another Slam. Until next time, please stay away from horizontal stripes (learn the lesson that Busy Phillips has taught us all) and stay warm out there!

xo

Mantle of Giving 2012

2012-01-21T12:12:00.000-05:00

This happened way back in December, but better late than never, right?

The senior youth of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation at Montclair and their adult advisors once again did an amazing job on the Mantle of Giving.

Each child in grades pre-k through 2nd at the
Newton Street School in Newark got a bag with a gift inside.

Our Santa, acclaimed actor, Andre Braugher,
reclined while waiting for the first batch of kiddos.
Sorry for the blur, my picture skillz are not to be bragged on.

Each class took a picture with Santa once all the gifts were handed out.

While we were there, we took a walk down to the Yoga Room,
which we helped rehab over the summer. It still looks fabulous.

The little altar they've created is so nice.

And my sari curtains continue to make me smile.

All-in-all it was a wonderful day.

Globes Slam 2012

2012-01-16T08:39:00.022-05:00

Good morning possums! Don't you just love the smell of fashion in the morning? I do.

So, coming up with categories is always fun, but this year it was finally a challenge. To so many of the dresses I said, "Wow!" or "Wow." so I think those will be two of them. The third category will be "Weh" because in many cases I just couldn't work up enough energy to really have an opinion.

As always we'll start with "Wow."

Claire Danes
This has a lot more structure and edge than her dress at last year's GG, but I kind of hate it. I've never been a fan of two-tone dresses (Elizabeth McGovern & Kate Winslet, you'll get your turn) but this one in particular is just so very...Frank Lloyd Wrong.

Connie Britton
Okay, for real, I know and you know and we all know that the Globes are totally meaningless. But that doesn't mean you can show up dressed for a garden party. I mean, make a little effort.

Dianna Agron
Just off the ice from her 3-minute program, Dianna Agron waits for the judges to give their scores. Wait, what? Wrong event?

Lea Michele
What is it with my Glee girls dressing as if they're meeting up with Brian Boitano later? Ladies, even Kristi Yamaguchi is shaking her head. Also, she wants her costumes back.

Emily Watson
Is it just me or is she channeling Professor Umbrage? Dowdy, bad hair, ill-fitting clothes, big jewelry. Emily, what happened? Call Jennifer Garner. She has Rachel Zoe's number and she can take care of this. I promise. In the meantime, bras have adjustable straps. Just a little FYI. You can adjust them so that your girls aren't down by your belly-button. Still, it's nice that you're looking so cheerful through this terrible outfit.

Amanda Peet
I wonder if Amanda Googled "Ugly Bridesmaid Dresses From The 80s" and tracked this one down at a thrift store. And when people wonder things like that you know you've chosen poorly.

Salma Hayek
Did she staple a gladiator shield to her chest? Because usually her chest is the most interesting thing about her outfits but today? I don't know. I'm not used to looking Salma in the eye. It's disconcerting.

Michelle Williams
I have these in pajamas. And I have that Alice band. From back when I was EIGHT.

Zooey Deschanel
Okay, wow. There is just so much to say. First, I don't like that color on her. Green, yes, sure, fine. Emerald green. Bottle green. Pale green. Not acid, electric green. And not this particular design. I feel like I'm watching The Matrix all of a sudden.

And now for the Weh dresses:

Piper Parabo
I really like the skirt. It's got this sort of fairy tale Cinderella quality that's really pretty. The bodice however is pretty god-awful. Could it be more skin-tight? Could her body be any clearer through the fabric? It's just so aggressive.

Julie Bowen
I can't quite put my finger on why I don't like this. I think the color is wrong, it's a little too close to her skin tone. And I think the bodice is a bit droopy and could have used more support. The sleeves bug me, too. So I guess I CAN put my finger on why I don't like it. Go figure.

Sarah Paulson
I feel like this is basically the same dress as Julie's. The sleeves are a little different, but in this case the designer took "capped" and ran with it. These are over-capped sleeves. And the rest of it just seems a bit weedy.

Calista Flockhart
I've never been fan of tiered ruffles. They're no one's friend, believe me - no one looks good in them. Calista is no exception. Also? Black? Could you be more boring? I like her shoes but they look too small. Her toes look like they're pushing out over the edge.

Elizabeth McGovern
This sucks because I really like Elizabeth McGovern, and I really love her character on Downton Abbey. I don't like this two-tone dress, though. Dresses like this make it look like it's really two pieces, which I think is much less formal than a single sheath. Also, there's this old fashion rule that goes like this: if your hips are wider than your shoulders, the darker color should always go on the bottom and your top should be a lighter color. Perhaps that rule is so ingrained in my head that I am incapable of liking this but I dunno. I think I'd dislike it in any event. I do like her jewelry, though.

Freida Pinto
I would love to tell you what I think of this dress but I'm in danger of falling as--zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Heidi Klum
This is perfectly fine. No bells and whistles aside from the monster necklace. She's blowing no one out of the water. She's very safe and very, very boring.

Glenn Close
What the hell is up with that bodice? I truly don't understand what is going on there. The dress is mostly black and boring but someone decided it needed a little oomph and added that weird lip onto the top of her cleavage and I'm sorry but it just doesn't work.

Jessica Biel
As my friend Cat said, just because JT put a ring on it doesn't mean you can SLACK! This is just terrible. You're not getting married QUITE yet. Also? You're pretty much a talentless barely B-list actress, so can someone explain why the hell you keep getting invited to these things? Unless you're Justin's plus-one I just don't get it.

Jessica Chastain
First, your hair is just a bit too The Help Gone Wrong. You know you're not Bryce Dallas Howard, right? Second, your dress is too tight. Trust me, I know these things. Third, if you're going to wear a dress like this the least you can do is add foundation garments.

Julianna Margulies
For real, this woman has never been on my best dressed list and every year I keep my fingers crossed that she'll pull something out of a hat and astonish me and every year I let out a disappointed sigh. Let's start with the color, which isn't bad. However, if you're going for a dark purple/plummy kind of color, just go with it. This is one shade lighter than plum and I'm not sure it's working for you. Second, the cut of this dress is so severe that I'm shocked anyone gave it a second look. Third, when you wear a dress cut this severely you pretty much HAVE to do something with your hair other than scraping back into a knot. That only makes you look even more severe. I mean, what are you converting to Islam? Moving to Amish country? Show a little skin!

Julianne Moore
Basic black never stops being boring. NEVER. And although this tries very hard to be interesting with the ruffles and earrings (which are great), it's not succeeding.
Kate Beckinsale
This kind of dress is really hard to pull off without looking like you're waiting for your father to escort you down the aisle. Kate is not pulling it off. Also, could her lady-bits look more tortured? What the hell kind of corset is under that thing? Looks uncomfortable and boring and bridal all at once. Fail.
Nicole Kidman
For about five seconds I stared at this picture thinking it had been mislabeled. Surely that's Alicia Silverstone, not Nicole Kidman. Then I remember La Kid's penchant for face-modification and decided I could trust the Internet. Once that was resolved I stared at this for another five seconds trying to like it before deciding that if I had to try then it wasn't worth it. Aesthetically, this should be fine. It's interesting, it fits her, the bodice isn't your average run-of-the mill halter. But mostly it makes me think of wallpaper. Bathroom wallpaper. Why would someone steal the design off bathroom wallpaper and use it on a dress? It boggles the mind.

Mila Kunis
Mila, honey, I don't why, but the fabric over your right boob is whiter than the fabric over your left. All night long I was distracted every time you made an appearance on TV. It's really weird. Why would the designer do that? I don't like black over white to begin with but this just underlines the possible issues one has to contend with. Plus, it's boring black again. You're young and vibrant and this is so lame. No wonder you look miserable.

Maya Rudolph
I'll skip the diatribe on boring black, please see above for that. I think a red lip might have been a better choice than pink, but I like her hair and jewelry.

Naya Rivera
Remember a few years ago when people showed up en masse wearing sack dresses? Do you think Naya was doing an homage to those gowns? The line down the front is very distracting and although I like the capped sleeves, they can't save this sack.

Penelope Ann Miller
I love the color and I love the cut, but I want to grab it with two hands and yank it up for her. She is very precariously inside that dress and if someone were to ask her to catch something over her head she'd be flashing the world.

Rooney Mara
God save me from more basic black. At least this one has some interesting cut-outs but really, this just makes me want to fall asleep.

Shailene Woodley
I have no idea if I spelled her name right. She's on that ABC Family show about teen pregnancy but she recently played George Clooney's daughter in The Descendents, which is the only reason she's on this list. Like Penelope Ann Miller, I don't hate this but I really want to help her hike it up so she doesn't fall the crap out.

And now that that's done, we can enjoy Wow!
Viola Davis
Holy crap do I love this. The color is magic on her, the cut is perfect, her jewelry and make up are understated and lovely. I love the big slit up the side. She looks so fabulous.

Sofia Vergara
She's so much fun, isn't she? I love the jewel tone of this dress. It fits her so well and though I think her hair could have been a bit more structured, I really like this look.

Tina Fey
More jewel tones. This is a lovely showing. I love ruched fabric and I really love the gathers at the bottom. Great hair and make up. Another home-run for Tina.

Tilda Swinton
Aside from what looks like a weird toupee, this is the best I've ever seen Tilda. The color is great on her and though I'm not usually a fan of the dress/jacket combo for these things (it's hard not to look like the mother of the bride when you go that route), it totally works for her. I love it.

Reese Witherspoon
The Fug Girls said she was dressing like Jessica Rabbit and I think I agree. This sweetheart neckline is not my favorite but she looks fantastic.

Sarah Michelle Gellar
This is going to be controversial but I have to say I really kind of like this. It's fun and a little kicky. Her jewelry, hair and make up are taking a back burner to the dress and I feel like it's totally working. At first it reminded me of acid wash denim, but the more I looked at the pattern it reminded me of ink rolling through water and that's one of my favorite images.

Octavia Spencer
I really love this lilac number. The folds of the fabric are great and the color is perfect against her skin. Well done.
Nicole Ritchie
This silver sheath is the bomb. I love the straps and I love the slight design of it. I really love her hair. She looks amazing.
Paula Patton
Okay, I'm not a huge fan of canary yellow but at least the cut of the dress works on her. Apparently, Paula is married to that Thicke kid who sings. Other than that I don't know why she would be invited to attend the Globes, much less invited to give one out. Such is life.

Natalie Portman
Great color and great cut. What an interesting dress. I love that slightly darker lip at the top of the bodice. I think the waist could have been slightly higher up but I'm not going to quibble. She looks really good.
Mary J. Blige
I really love this on her. The color is that perfect champagne and it works so well with her skin tone. The cut is very daring and could have been on the boring side except for those awesome feathers at the bottom. Love it!

Mirielle Enos
I feel like I shouldn't like this but I can't help it. Maybe it's because she's so beautiful. I like the design of this dress and I really love the bodice. I never really thought about yellow working for redheads but boy does this work on her. She looks awesome.

Madonna
I really like this. The bodice is great and I love how the skirt starts sort of up by her uterus. The squares make it really fun and interesting. I don't know about the glove though. Is she channeling Michael Jackson? I really don't get it.

Melissa McCarthy
I really love this on her. So much better than the Emmy dress. The color is great and the cut and fit are perfect. I especially love the jeweled neckline. No need for a necklace, you put it on and you're done.

Laura Linney
This was much better on the red carpet, you'll have to trust me. I really love that roll of fabric and I also really love the color. The cut is so interesting and asymmetrical. Great job.

Laura Dern
I didn't like this much on the red carpet but it's growing on me (though part of me wants to lop the sleeves off). The color is perfect, the sequins are fun and the deep vee keeps it from straying too far into Amish territory.

Kate Winslet
I'm having such a hard time with this. I love the top. It's so perfect and so beautiful. I wish the bottom hadn't been white. Or I wish the whole thing had been white. Or red. Or blue! She looks great in blue.
Kristin Wiig
I don't love this but it's not heinous enough to be in either other category. I think the cut is maybe a bit too aggressive and the color a bit too pale, but overall it fits her really well and she looks beautiful (I wish she'd lighten her hair up again, though).

Kelly Osbourne
Did Kelly dye her hair pale blue/silver to match her dress? I commend the commitment to fashion but I'm not entirely sure it works. I really like the dress. The color is fab and the cut is interesting, even if the shoulder pads are a bit too pointy. Still, I love the length of the sleeves.

Kelly MacDonald
Overall, much better than the Emmy dress. Perhaps we're not quite perfect yet, but this is a marked improvement.

Kathleen Robertson
Confession: I totally don't remember her on 90210. However, if you haven't seen the Sundance Channel's The Business yet, please drop everything and check it out. She kills in it. Just like she's killing this dress. LOVE the bodice and straps. It's a white dress that's anti-bridal. She looks slammin.
Charlize Theron
I could totally get completely on board with this if it weren't for that giant hip-bow. Other than that it's pretty awesome. Love the shoes.

Amber Riley
This is really simple and pretty. I like it. It's not the most glitzy piece on the carpet but it's a far cry from the worst.

Emily Deschanel
This isn't a favorite but she's certainly not boring. I do love the color.

Jane Lynch
More basic black, which isn't great, but the plunging neckline makes it a bit more interesting. I feel like she's slouching, though. Am I wrong?

Helen Mirren
My beautiful bestie has pulled it out again! The color is like a cross between navy and royal purple. The waist is bejeweled and the feathers at the bottom make this just delicious.

Emma Stone
I really like this, eagle belt-buckle and all. Is that weird? The color is great and I love how the straps come up to these great wing-shaped cap sleeves. She looks awesome.

Evan Rachel Wood
This is almost completely awesome. The only thing I don't love is the color. It fits her so perfectly, though, and it's so gorgeous. Well freaking done.

Diane Lane
I love this on her. The golden tones offset her skin and hair beautifully. She looks amazing. The look is so Old Hollywood and I just love it.

Callie Thorne
I have never seen a dress like this one before and I'm so sorry to say that because it's beautiful. First, the color is great on her and the cut is just fantastic. I love the layers of fabric and I love the appliques on the gown. She looks amazing.

Busy Phillips
She seems to be channeling Elizabeth Taylor and doing an hell of of a job. I really like this even though it has the potential for looking like a sack dress. I don't see any kind of sack when looking at this. And I love how her hair isn't just up, but it complements the era of the dress. She looks awesome.
Amy Poehler
Another potential sack dress saved by I don't know what. I wish her sleeves had been a full three-quarters long, or capped, but other than that I really like this. I like her in gold and I like the simplicity of this gown.

Angelina Jolie
I don't understand why in interviews she's very cordial and polite and in pictures she's Ice Queen Extraordinaire. What's up with that? Her dress is awesome, though, I gotta give her that. I love the folds of fabric at her midsection. I really like the asymmetry of the neckline and I love that her clutch matches the red perfectly. I think her red lip is maybe carrying matching too far but hell, she's Angelina Freaking Jolie, Ice Queen Home Wrecker from the planet Perfection. She does what she wants and she knows we'll lap it up.

And for the first time EVER I can't decide on the Best In Show. I feel like it's a toss up between Viola, Diane, Evan and Laura Dern. What do you think? Leave a comment and the lady who gets the most votes wins.

The votes are in! Viola wins Best in Show! And she really deserves it, too. Love this!

Until next time, mwah! Love you! Mean it!

Ciao!

Globes Alert!

2012-01-10T02:47:00.002-05:00

This Sunday is the Golden Globes and I cannot tell you how excited I am. It's like the producers know that January is a tough month and we need a little glitz in our lives. Plus! Ricky Gervais skewering celebrities right to their faces? Bliss.

I'll leave you with 2009 Globes Best In Show Drew Barrymore:
And remind you that on Monday I'll have the 2012 installment of the Globes Slam!

I know, I can't wait, either!

Ciao!

2011 Globes Slam
2010 Globes Slam
2009 Globes Slam
2007 Globes Slam (no idea what happened to 2008. maybe the internet was hungry and had it for a snack?)

Christmas Trip to NC - 2011

2012-01-03T01:25:00.000-05:00

For Christmas this year we once again made the trek down to sunny and warm North Carolina.

Niece 1, Tarrah, poses just long enough to take this,
the girl didn't sit still the whole rest of the trip!

Okay, maybe that's a lie.
Here she is again, posing with her
sister's presents wrapped around her neck.
Which didn't go over too well with little sister, Jayden.

Jayden's back, after retrieving her booty,
draping over her own shoulders,
and walking swiftly away.

And here's Tarrah again posing with her new outfit and Hello Kitty shoes.

A close up of the shoes, naturally.
Aunt Kate knows shoes...

Swingin'.

Slidin'.

Climbin'.

Practically ready to bolt off the couch.

And here's little Jayden, as quiet as her sister is exuberant.
All she wants is to play with her doll.

And maybe dance a little.

And love on a cute puppy.

While in town, Tarrah and I had the chance to play Hair,
one of my favorite games when I was little.
Here's what I did for her.

And here's what she did for me.
I know you're jealous, it's okay.

We also took some family portraits, so at some point I'll have a nice little update with pics that are actually in focus (imagine!). Until then, possums, much happiness and health in the new year.

Dance Party

2011-12-27T06:08:00.000-05:00

To keep you satisfied until I can upload all the pics I took over Christmas, I give you a video of my little nieces, rocking out to (of all people) Keshia (barf. and no, I'm not going to do the thing where I turn her "s" into a dollar sign. I just won't).

Happy holidays!

From Our Tree To Yours

2011-12-20T15:15:00.002-05:00

Happy holidays!

Urban Word of the Day

2011-12-15T06:21:00.000-05:00

Banker's Dozen

The opposite of a Baker's Dozen where the customer receives 13 of a product for the price of 12; in a Banker's Dozen the customer receives 11 of the product for the price of 12

Hector was surprised to find only 11 glasses in his gift of 12 glasses that he received from the bank. Later, Hector learned that the Bank offers a Banker's Dozen in their gifts and products, in which they steal one item.

This makes me laugh. Because bankers already have a pretty bad reputation but for it to have come to this is just hilarious.

DAP

2011-12-10T00:34:00.001-05:00

This picture is made doubly awesome by the
perceived fist-bump happening between these two bad-asses.

As role models you could do a lot worse.

Source

Frosting Love

2011-12-08T01:42:00.000-05:00

I bought a sugar cookie mix with a can of frosting last night because there was the chance that that hubs would need me to make something for him to bring in to a holiday thing on Friday. When I got home he said he'd decided that he'd just bring a box of Joe since people don't realize they want coffee until they really want it. Good call by him.

Now I've got the cookie mix and the frosting in my cabinet and they are CALLING to me. My relationship with food has always been a passionate one and right now, during the holidays, it always gets bumped up a notch.

I don't even need the cookies, to be honest. What I really want is to smear the frosting onto a graham cracker or ten and sit in front of the TV watching Scrooged and then Elf for a few hours. I want to enter a sugar coma with this frosting. I want it to want me back. You get the idea.

And really that's it. There's no actual point to this post. I really just felt the need to express my desire because that's what they tell you in therapy. Feel the feelings. When you're done they'll be less ... what? Intrusive? Acute?

Hmmm, maybe I didn't do it correctly.

Wedding!

2011-12-05T01:11:00.000-05:00

This weekend I took the train down to
Washington, D.C. for a friend's wedding.

I wasn't initially going to go because I knew it would be at least a couple hundred dollars to get there and to stay over and it's Christmastime and
I felt extremely guilty for spending money on myself.

But then someone directed my attention to a great deal on the hotel.

And when I thought about seeing my friends
I decided that I really wanted to be there.

So I went.

And we had an amazing time.

As you can see.

I haven't smiled this big in a while.

One of the best parts were these fabulous cake pops
which were given out as favors.

Mine were a delicious little appetizer to my
breakfast in bed with Harry Potter.

Bliss.

Thanks to my girlfriends for being so damn awesome.

Thanks to my hubs for letting me go play with my friends.

All y'all rock.

Scottie's Pillows

2011-11-29T08:55:00.002-05:00

An update on my weird hobby:

Scottie got in touch with me to see if I could turn her husband's neckties into six pillows to give away for Christmas. The ties arrived on Tuesday of last week and since I was looking at three weeks to finish (I like to allow for a week to send them home) I asked if she minded if I broke out the machine. She was okay with it, so I flew through these pillows!

Scottie grouped the ties so each one
is my design with her eye for color

Once the pillow tops were done,
I had to trim the edges as you can see.

Some of them turned out so beautifully.

Like this one, for instance.
I love that gold tie.

And the martini tie was a lot of fun,
especially paired with the Christmas ties!

Once I was done trimming,
I sewed the sides together and stuffed a pillow into each one.

And here they are on the couch, looking fantastic!

Same pillows, new sides.

Close ups

This was such a fun project to work on. All quilts by kate are one-of-a-kind originals. Pillows like these would be priced at $100 each.

Happy holidays!

Mantle of Giving

2011-11-21T01:54:00.000-05:00

I have a new crop of Senior Youth this year and they are gung-ho for Mantle of Giving! You might remember MOG from last year. It's where 200-ish kids in Pre-K through 2nd grade from Newton Street School in Newark write down three wishes each and send the wishes to us, Santa's elves.

People can take as many wishes as they like, buy presents and return them to us for delivery. This year, we're delivering the presents on Dec. 19th and we even have a real-life celebrity to play Santa. Shh, can't tell you who or you'd be jealous.

If you'd like to help, please let me know. The ones that break my heart are the kids who don't ask for toys, but instead write down pants, shoes, boots, socks and shirts. Last year a kid in 1st grade was wearing pants that were so obviously hand-me-downs that he had to bunch the waist up in his fist to hold them up. For reals. These are some of the neediest, sweetest, babycakes you'll ever see. Here are some shots from last year to prove it:

Those eyes, boy, they get me every time.

Admit It.

2011-11-08T03:01:00.000-05:00

I love it. This guy perfectly lays out the problem I have with people who aren't ever going to be remotely rich but who still can't quite get on board with OWS.

They've been complaining, they've been hurt, they've lost their jobs, so why are they still sneering at the protesters? I don't get it.

Hippies Who Need To Find A Job?

2011-11-02T05:49:00.000-04:00

Or regular folks who've been screwed over by life

and don't need to screwed again by corporate America?

Kristen & Christina in NYC

2011-10-31T01:38:00.000-04:00

Girlfriends I've known since Kindergarten were in town this weekend and although the weather didn't cooperate, we had very strange, annoying traveling snafus and some of the things we wanted to see up close could only be seen from afar, we had a great time.

At the train station...

On the train!
(I swear this isn't going to be a complete play by play)

Occupy Wall Street!
An unexpected but delightful little accident
that we stumbled across this encampment.

Our plan to get into the Statue was thwarted by a
30 minute line to get tickets followed by an hour long line through security.
We opted for the boat. Here's Kristen with Liberty.

I never noticed this in Battery Park before, but it tells the tale of how Manhattan was "sold" by the Indians to the folks at the Amsterdam Chamber of the West India Company.

The physical depiction of the "sale".

On Saturday we braved the now-infamous Halloween nor-easter that blew through this corner of the country. We had tickets to see Avenue Q and we were gonna use 'em!

After the theater we went to Don't Tell Mama, a fabulous bistro on W. 46th that is quickly becoming my second favorite place to eat in the city.

Sadly, the Lobster Liberation Front failed again.
Christina had the surf and turf and there was nothing I could do about it.

On Sunday we decided that our feet had had enough so we stayed home (thankfully the power kicked back on by nine am), ate junk food, got mani-pedis and watched Bridesmaids.

An excellent time was had by all, even though Kristen only got to cuddle with two of the four cats. Taco and Fiona were good sports but they didn't put up with it for long. Cuddling is for babies they tell me and they are NOT babies anymore. Except for when they feel like cuddling, that is.

Until next time, ladies! It was a pleasure having you with us. I hope we made your stay as enjoyable as possible. Don't forget to use your Savacon Rewards points when checking out and making your next reservation.

Holy Wang!

2011-10-25T03:09:00.000-04:00

I went to the Met on Saturday and while wandering through 15th, 16th, and 17th century European art, I noticed that everywhere I looked, there was Jesus's wang. And I was like, wtf? When did that happen? How come I never noticed before that in all that old artwork, if they had to pain baby Jesus, they did him naked.

Don't believe me? Here are just a few of the pics I snapped while wandering around:

This one is especially scary as it's 3D. Can you imagine being the artist or the assistant to the artist, working on a holy wang? Me either.

Speaking of babies, I'm waiting for word of the brand new Woodling who should be joining us momentarily. Spencer's world is about to be rocked.

And speaking of rocking worlds, here are a few more pieces of art that caught my eye at the Met. So beautiful.

The 7 Biggest Economic Lies

2011-10-24T01:03:00.000-04:00

A Must Watch

2011-10-12T02:35:00.000-04:00

Pulitzer Prize winner Chris Hedges tears apart CBC’s Kevin O’Leary while discussing the Occupy protests.

Thanks, Sir Mitchell, for posting it first.

The Second Annual Great Trade

2011-10-03T01:56:00.000-04:00

Whew! The Second Annual Great Trade Clothing Swap was this weekend and I am beat!

I've got just enough energy left to post a few pics of the event.

This year we included Menswear and Children's clothing and what a hit!

Almost makes me wanna have a baby. ALMOST.

Yours truly made out like a bandit. Here's the Brooks Brother's belt I snagged. Not in any pics is an Yves Saint Laurent scarf, a black velvet Michael Kors jacket and a really pretty pink and black wrap dress (which I'm wearing today, natch).

Oh, and the purses. We were inundated by purses and scarves.
It was a riot.

My friend, Kimbo, snagged these FAB dark green leather boots.

And the Allen Sisters posed with the goodies they took home.

Here's Nazeriah in a new hat and scarf.

And here's Kaija in her new chapeau.

Aren't they delicious?
Thank you, Allens, for having such darling daughters.

I think when all was said and done this was Kimbo's shopping bag.
Stuffed to the max.

In other words, it was a good day. Many thanks to all who helped make the event possible, especially the ladies who showed up on Friday night (with food!). So happy to be part of such an amazing organization. UUCM rocks.

Leviticus

2011-09-30T06:50:00.000-04:00

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

Yoga Room Rehab Redux

2011-09-28T01:57:00.000-04:00

The Saris are UP!

And they look amazing!!!!

Birthday/D.C. 2011

2011-09-26T02:00:00.000-04:00

My Institute girlies - they helped make my birthday truly fabulous

In the DC Sculpture garden - a tree.

Flowers for my birthday. Thanks, guys!!

The Washington Monument as seen from the POV bar at the W.
Soooo much fun was had.

The White House as seen from the POV bar.

The only pic I took of anyone the night of my b'day.

Had an awesome time in DC with my Institute friends. They made my birthday so awesome. No one has ever done the thing in a restaurant where you tell the staff it's someone's birthday and they bring out a special dessert for you. My peeps did it for me. At Old Ebbett no less!

It was a perma-smile kind of day.

Emmy Slam 2011

2011-09-18T22:56:00.001-04:00

Hello, Possums!!

Can you believe it's that time of year again? I have to tell you that the Emmy's is one of the reasons September is my favorite month. All the new shows come back AND there's an awards event celebrating all those great shows? With dresses and shoes and hair and jewelry, too? HEAVEN!

So, I've decided that my categories for this will be borrowed from real life. There have been times while people-watching when my friends and I have been able to boil things down to just "Awesome" or "Awful". So that's what we're going to do here. And, since there are moments in life that don't really fall into either of those categories, I've also added "Apathy".

Shall we get started? As always we begin with the Awful:

Kelly MacDonald
This is particularly difficult because I love Kelly MacDonald in general and I love Boardwalk Empire and I love her ON Boardwalk Empire. Do you know why she looks so pissed off right here? She looks pissed off because she's realizing that her dress SUCKS. Kelly, honey, I would look pissed off too. If your stylist did this to you fire that bitch immediately. If you don't have a stylist call Rachel Zoe IMMEDIATELY. That is all.

Heather Morris
I guess I can see what Heather was going for here, but it just doesn't work. It's sort of like someone dyed a bunch of toilet paper and then tacked it onto a perfectly fine black dress. I wish she had worn the black dress under this, at least then she would have been in Apathy.

Claire Danes
Okay, I know theoretically this is perfectly fine. It fits her, there are no wrinkles or gaping bits of fabric anywhere. I just don't dig the geometric design. It feels a bit too mathy for the Emmys and we all know how I feel about math, right? Enough said.

Dianna Agron
Ugh. I really want to like this. The color is great on her, the material is clearly very soft and silky, it's very feminine, but I can't get over the very harsh neckline. It could at least have been made into a cowl, couldn't it? Some draping never hurt anyone. Just ask Don Draper - ba-dum-BUM! Seriously, though, this could have been Awesome and it just isn't.

ETA: Lena Headey
Morticia Adams rides again. I don't know who this is but I'll try to find out. Is it possible that she's Amish? Or Fundamental LDS? Because I don't know how to explain this otherwise. Honey, you're at a big Hollywood awards show. That means you can let loose a bit a sparkle! I see no sequins, or jewelry or even a cool-looking purse. WTH!?

ETA: Thanks to Kristen Klemann who rightly points out in the comments that this is Lena Headey who plays crazy brother-fucker Cercei Lannister (A Lannister Always Pays His Debts). I didn't recognize her because of the hair. And the clothes. She usually looks like this, after all. And she's usually in bed with her brother, who's really hot, but is still her brother after all.

ETA: Eva La Rue
I dunno who this is either but I'll find out asap (I know you wanna know - or perhaps you already know and you can leave a comment for me). I like this in theory, but she's having the opposite problem as her nameless friend above her. She's suffering from Attack of the Bling. If those sparkles had stayed up in the bodice area, maybe that could have saved it. Or maybe not. On further reflection she looks like she added a nice long skirt to an ice-dancer's costume. Not digging it.

ETA: Thanks again to Kristen for reminding me that this is Eva La Rue (best stage name ever?) of CSI: Miami.

Jayma Mayes
Boy, does this make me sad. First, don't we all know the rule about horizontal stripes? Horizontal ruffles are exactly the same thing! Jayma! I know you know this! It's unflattering. The whole thing is just way too "Hi it's my birthday and I'm three!"

Gwyneth Paltrow
For the record, seeing a stomach roll on Gwyneth Paltrow makes me depressed. The woman's job in life is to be hot and thin and attractive. She spends hours each day making sure that's what she is. What chance do the rest of us have, eeking out 45 minutes or a single hour at the gym if we can never expecpt to attain those goals? Also, the dress is really ugly. Black lace over nude material has never done much for me, but this in particular is just blech.

Julianna Margulies
The nicest thing I can say about this dress is she's pulled off wearing white without looking like a bride. Now for all the mean things: You can't tell in this picture but on the red carpet the bodice looks as stiff as a board. Horrible. Also, there are these clear pieces of plastic glued on which looks even weirder. See below:
Weird, right? And uncomfortable-looking. And ugly.

Paula Abdul
Okay, I just don't get this. First, it doesn't look like it fits her. Or, rather it looks like there's a ton of fabric underneath that's adding a lot of awkward padding. Second, the belt is sitting in a really bizarre position. I feel like for it to be flattering it should be up a little higher. Down so low all I can think about is how uncomfortable that's gonna be on her gut when she sits. Which...come on people I don't wanna be thinking about Paula Abdul's GUT.

Heidi Klum
I really wish this has been full length. The bodice is a bit plain and the skirt is a bit much. I wish Christian Sorianno had finessed it a bit more. I like the gathers of fabric in the skirt but I really want it to be further away from her face. Heidi is a tremendously beautiful woman. When you steal the thunder from her face with the skirt of a dress, and not in a good way, that's a problem.

Okay, that's over. It didn't hurt to much, right?

Next, we move on to the dresses that mostly made me fall asleep, aka Apathy:

Evan Rachel Wood
I want to like this. It's got a beautiful line and I really like the capped sleeves. But I don't love the neckline. It seems a bit plain, dare I say even severe, especially with her hair all scraped back. Snore.

Katie Holmes
It is unbelievably easy to take pot-shots at Katie these days, what with her being married to Tom "CrazyPants" Cruise. So I don't want to do this but I have to. I like this, don't get me wrong but I don't love it. It's not Awesome. The straps are the only interesting thing about this dress and they're interesting in a bad way. They're not flattering and they add nothing to the design. It's like the designer said, "Okay I need to make this a bit more than just a simple column so I'm gonna mess with the straps. Done!" Makes me sad for the dress more than anything else.

Rashida Jones
Boy I really wanted to like this. I love her and I love Parks and Rec and I love her character on Parks and Rec. But this just isn't working for me. For one thing, the wrinkles are killing me. Why do people continue to chose dresses made out of fabric that's gonna wrinkle? Also, I don't like the bodice. It just seems a bit plain and boring. It's a good color for her but the dress as a whole just isn't working.

Vanessa Marano
You guys. Are you watching Vanessa's new show Switched At Birth? It's become a guilty pleasure that I pretty much never miss. Unfortunately, she should have taken a miss on this dress. I don't like the spilled ink look, especially when the bodice has nothing in common with the skirting. The line separating them is awkward. If they were gonna go for this look I would have liked to have seen an unbroken line from shoulder to opposite toe.

Gretchen Mol
....zzzzzzz - whoops! I started looking at Gretchen and totally fell asleep. Sorry about that. Ahem. Her dress is fine. It fits, it looks comfy and ...and... Crap, no I'm awake! I gotta move on. I'm putting myself to sleep trying to come up with commentary.

Rachel Harris
Crap! It's like they called each other in advance and decided to wear the same dress just to mess with people. Not cool, guys. Also, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Melissa McCarthy
I really want to like this. I'm thinking back to the gowns that Queen Latifa and Gabourey Sidibe have worn over the years and I know that there are really beautiful gowns for full-figured ladies. I don't feel like this is one of them. Which really hurts to say because on the red carpet she mentioned that she helped design in. It just feels a little too much Alexis Carrington in the shoulder pads and not enough va-va-voom in skirt.

Jenna Uskowitz
Call me crazy but I wouldn't want to be sitting to Jenna's left. You could freaking lose an eye. It looks really uncomfortable all around and that makes me sad because if a dress is going to be work to wear it should at least be totally awesome. Which this totally isn't.

And now, the Awesome:
Elizabeth McGovern
Have you guys seen the six-part BBC mini-series Downton Abbey? If not you SHOULD. It's written by Julian Fellowes, who doesn't know it but is totally a good friend of mine. Elizabeth stars in it and she kicks ass. Just as she's kicking this dress's ass. It's simple, the color is great, it fits her great, I love her hair and jewelry and even her accessories. It feels so good to be back in Awesome territory.

Sofia Vergara
Talk about bringing the va-va-voom. This fits her like a glove, the color is perfect, the cut is perfect, everything looks so perfect, including her earrings. Totally awesome.

Naya Rivera
Okay, so, this is how a black dress should be worn, with curves and attitude and skin. Love it.

Jennifer Carpenter
What to say about this? She looks like a Barbie doll come to life, and I mean that as a compliment. The dress is amazing. She looks phenomenal. Almost as if she's saying, "Oh, yeah? You wanna cheat on me with one of our co-stars? Here's what you're gonna be missing for the rest of your miserably little life!" Or maybe I'm reading more in that there really is. It's possible.

Ellie Kemper
What a fun dress! I love how playful it is. I love the colors of sequins at the bottom. I love the single strap and I love how simple she's kept her hair. It's awesome.

This is Cobie Smulders. I have no idea who she is or what she does but I love her dress. It's very Grecian and very simple and a great color.

Anna Torv
Did I ever tell you that Anna guest-starred on my very secret guilty pleasure McLeod's Daughters way back in the day? Oh, yeah. She's from Australia you guys and the first time I heard her speak with her native accent all I could do was stare. Sort of like all I can do is stare at this amazing dress. Like Naya Rivera, Anna is schooling all those other starlets in the proper way to wear black - lots of curves and lots of skin. And awesome shoes! Usually you can't see the shoes because of the hemlines so this is a nice little treat.

Angela Kinsey
Pooling red silk? Soft, draping fabric? Sign me up. I love this on Angela. I especially love the waist. The gathered fabric from bust to hip is so slimming. It's completely fabulous.

Alan Ruck and Mirielle Enos
So, are these two together? I find that to be amazing. Remember when Alan was in Ferris Bueller? I feel like I've seen him in so few other things that his character will always be synonymous with him and why would Mirielle want to be with...crap, what was his character's name? CAMERON! How could I forget? Okay, so. Moving on. Cameron is looking kind of foxy. As is his lady-friend Mirielle, who I am SO not used to seeing like this. First as twin sisters on Big Love she dressed in long prairie dresses with french braids everywhere. Now on The Killing she's in jeans, a sweater and a parka 24-7. I have trouble reconciling those two (three) women with this picture. She looks glamorous and beautiful and completely stunning. Or maybe I'm just blinded by the fact that she's finally wearing make up. Who knows?

Kelly Osbourne
Okay, normally, people like Kelly are a little beneath me. For example, I didn't post a pic of Guilianna Rancic or Julianne Hough. I just don't care about those ladies and I also don't care who knows it. Kelly's a bit different, though. Before she was an E! fashion commentator she was (is) "rock royalty" (a phrase which I hate but since it applies here...) and as such she deserves a little attention. I kind of totally love this on her. The fabric is awesome, the cut and design of the dress is awesome, the mis-matched straps are awesome. Even her hair is awesome. She's come a long way from the girl with the jet black hair eating Easy Mac and complaining about all the dog piss on the carpets. Not that I ever watched The Osbournes or anything. Shut up.

Kate Flannery
I love this. I love seeing Kate all dressed up and looking so feminine. Her character on The Office is so not feminine. And the color is perfect against her red hair and the gathers of the fabric are great. Love this.
Julia Stiles
I like this, but I immediately want to compare it to Jennifer Carpenter's dress (wonder why...). It's great. She's looks totally beautiful in it. But I don't love it as much as Jen's.
Paz De La Huerta
(aka Spaz De La Huerta...has this girl EVER been photographed while sober?) In any event, I'm digging this dress except for how uneven her girls look. Oh, wait, that's hair! Yikes. Her extensions are getting away from her. My bad. Upon closer reflection, they don't look uneven after all. They look totally fine as does the dress.

Taraji P. Henson
I love this throwback to the days to the flapper. It's almost like she put on a super-fancy nightgown and wore it because it was more comfortable. It's unexpected and different and it looks great on her.

Michelle Forbes
I love this. The skirt is fun and the bodice is interesting. Her accessories contrast nicely with the black and overall I'm really digging it.

Lea Michele
Once again, Lea owes her stylist a HUGE thank you. And a gift basket. She looks amazing. I think the sleeves are SLIGHTLY aggressive, but not overly so. She's kept her hair and accessories simple to compensate and she looks really amazing.

Kerry Washington
How completely awesome is this? I love it. I love the bodice and I love the beaded skirts. Rather than a fancy necklace her collarbones are doing just fine accessorizing. She looks amazing.
Padma Lakshmi
This was the first dress I saw when I tuned into the red carpet and I immediately sat up straighter and thought, "this is a gonna be good." I wasn't disappointed. I love this on her. The bodice is very different and the color is excellent for her and she almost looks like she's glowing. I love it.

Elisabeth Moss
I was very on the fence about this. I love it, but I think it could be improved upon. I wish the sleeves were three-quarter and I wish the appliqued bling stopped at mid-thigh. Still, it's a beautiful dress and she wears it extremely well.

Christina Hendricks
Talk about va-va-voom. This is fabulous. So much better than last year. I have nothing to say except it's completely and totally awesome. In fact, it's f'awesome.
Aubrey Plaza
I love this so much. First, she's succeeded in wearing white without looking like a bride. Second, the cut of this dress is very tough to pull off yet she's totally pulling it off. I love her hair and I love the single bangle on each wrist (although it's a BIT Wonder Woman-ish) and I love her earrings. She looks amazing.
Jane Krakowski
Love it. The cut of the dress is fabulous, the gather of fabric at her hip and the embellishment there is just phenomenal. Her hair is loose but not messy and I love her accessories. She looks awesome.
Maria Bello
This is so fabulous. The design on the fabric could have stolen the show but it doesn't. It's beautiful. The cut of the dress is wonderful and she looks so happy. Awesome.

Kristen Wiig
Kristen is totally breaking the monochromatic rule which is this: if you have brown hair you shouldn't really wear a lot of brown. How do I know this? I have brown hair and my hair guy told me once that I shouldn't really wear a lot of brown. But this is almost a bronze and I love it. I don't usually like necklines that head that far south but on her it works. She looks completely awesome.

Kathy Griffin
Gotta love Kathy. She looks amazing. Did anyone see her recap of the show? I need to find it. I've never seen her in red before but she looks amazing. Great dress, great hair, and a little red lip goes a long way! Love it!

Julie Bowen
I'm not a huge fan of Julie's (though I did hear that she has a degree in Italian Renaissance studies so she's sort of growing on me) but I love this dress. She looks amazing. No argument from me, but not a lot of gushing either. Maybe when I know her better.
Emily Blunt
This is unexpectedly awesome. I love the bits of fur and feather all over and I love the simplicity of the cut. I love her hair and I love her smile. She's all, "That's right. I married John Krasinski. You know you're jealous. That's okay, you can be jealous. I would be."

Kate Winslet
I love it. I reminds me of Angela Kinsey's dress with the waist going from the bustline to the hip area - it's so flattering. She looks amazing.

Connie Britton
Was Connie the woman who played opposite Russell "Fightin Round the World" Crowe in Gladiator? I think she was, but she looks so completely different now. In a good way. This rust-colored gown is perfect for her. I love the big slit up the side and I love how casual she looks just standing there. It's almost like she's not posing, just hanging out with the photogs. Awesome.

Amy Poehler
Confession: I didn't love this on the red carpet, but here in the pics it's kind of awesome. She looks great, though I wish the sleeves had been lengthened to three-quarters. Still, the fabric is really fun and the simplicity of it is refreshing. She looks great.

Amber Riley
Love this. The fabrics gathers and the spangled capped sleeves. She looks totally amazing.

Martha Plimpton
Holy God, I love this. I can remember Martha back in the original Parenthood, married to Keanu Reeves. Back then I was just a kid and I remember thinking how hard life must be with a name like Martha (ew). Doesn't look like life is too hard now. Girlfriend is KICKING it. Love this. I love the neckline, I love the straps, I love the color, I love her accessories. I love it all. It's not just awesome, it's f'awesome. In fact, Best In Show right here, y'all. I'm calling it. She wins. Hands down.

And that's all for now. Until the next group of celebs need to be taught how to put on clothes I leave you with these words of wisdom:

If you have brown hair you shouldn't really wear a lot of brown, you should never wear a color that matches your skin, and you should NEVER wear horizontal anything. Learn from the mistakes of others. You'll thank me.

Ciao!

Emmys!

2011-09-16T01:31:00.000-04:00

The Emmy's return THIS Sunday night, Sept. 18th, and to get us in the mood I thought I'd post last year's Best In Show. Here's what I had to say a year ago:

"Elisabeth Moss looks absolutely perfect. The dress is a dangerous color because we all know what happens when you choose a dress that matches your skin. Yet, this works on her. If anything it makes her skin look even more delicate and porcelain. I love the folds and extra fabric trailing down. I love the slight train. I love her hair and accessories. I think this is a Big Win. In fact, I think this is Best in Show."

A year later I completely agree with myself. Man, I have good taste. Getting ready to squee over Sunday's duds. See you back here for the Slam on Monday!

Pure Awesome

2011-09-15T00:36:00.000-04:00

A News Anchor Mocks the Kardashians. Love.

The Future Of America

2011-09-13T00:29:00.001-04:00

Death Panel of the Day: The CNN/Tea Party Express debate has its own “234 executions moment” as crowd members respond approvingly to the notion of letting an uninsured America in need of long-term intensive care die rather than be allowed to receive government aid.

The last two seconds of this is just incredible. I'm reminded of that old saying,

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me -
and by then there was no one left to speak out for me.

You would think that people would understand that life is capricious. Anything can happen to anyone at any time, including that jackal cheering for the hypothetical person to die.

I have health insurance but I'm one major catastrophic illness away from bankruptcy. So are most people. So I'm pretty sure we want some kind of health care plan for those who need it and can't pay for it. Because you never know when you might need it.

Smarten up, people.

Vacay Pics! You know you love it...

2011-09-08T01:45:00.000-04:00

What a week I had in lovely Minnesota.

The biggest drama was when I gave blood and my vein erupted all over the floor, chair, arm rest and my pants.

Yeah. Big fun.

Cleocatra, reclining.

Edgar Allan Paw

Witch-Hazel, in a calm almost docile moment.

Leo, who's completely wild and probably feral,
but will still hang out on the deck and eat the food we put out.

Tacos from Nacho Mama's. Highly recommended.

Something I've never seen before: a Diaper Bag vending machine.
Swear to God.

The Fair!

Machinery Hill is always fun.

Sculpting a tree trunk with a chainsaw.

Paraphernalia.

At first I was like, "Whaaa?"
But then my dad helpfully reminded me that
some people do something called "tailgating".

A mini crop of corn.

At the Creative Arts Building

Art!

This was made out of lottery tickets.

Church Airplane

"Camp Why Not"

I love that there's a Snowmobilers' Association

Award-winning Cakes!

A bag made out of jeans and shoes!

And another made out of my favorite: ties!

Quilts!!

So beautiful.

Yum!

A log cabin quilt with wildlife

Frozen, chocolate-covered cheesecake on a stick. So yum.

Cream puff. Heaven!

Yes, there were Fried Pickles at the Fair. I didn't try one.

Baby pigs!

And brand-new chicks.

Hells, yeah.

What's not to love about Butter Heads?

Fair(y) Hair

Crop Art!

A Michelle Bachman Scarecrow

You guys, these shoes are made out of CROP.

Don't knock 'em still you've tried 'em.

Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy.

Yes. Mini donuts are always the first thing I get when we go to the Fair.

Going through the Stuff

I found this pic in a filing cabinet with old report cards.
I was six and that's my brand-new banana-seat training-wheeled bike.

Wildlife in the Front Yard.

Wildlife in the Back Yard.

This is the menu from Gulden's Restaurant and Bar where we sang karaoke on Friday night.
All I can say is, I did NOT try the frog legs.

A bag made out of ties that I purchased for my very own.

Ice cream in Stillwater.
Mine is the cookies and cream.
Yes, I ate it all.

Hot German Potato Salad.
Beyond Awesome. Brine's in Stillwater.

Toys from the attic. Do you remember My Buddy and Lil Sister? We do.

Baptism Gown. Worn by all three of us.

My first community dress.
I can't believe I was ever that tiny...

Jem, wearing considerably more than when I found her.

And a huge box of notes, tests, papers, and other crap. Wow. I couldn't pack it, so as soon as I get back all the stuff I saved from going buh-bye I'll start posting some of my old creative writing papers. I was laughing so hard the tears wouldn't stop at one point.

Can you believe I didn't take one damn picture of myself or my friends and fam? WTH? I am ashamed. Maybe I'll do better next time but I doubt it.

Gerard De-WHAAAA?

2011-09-06T03:53:00.000-04:00

Then

True Confession:
In all the hullaballo about Gerard Depardieu peeing on a plane I canNOT believe that no one is mentioning that he looks like he ATE another person. I mean. PUFF DADDY. Boyfriend is BIG these days. How was that not the subtitle on every story?

Now

Why am I the only bitch who thinks mean things like this?

Please, if you know of someone else talking smack about Gerard let me know asap so I can stop feeling guilty.

That is all.

Amazing and Terrible

2011-08-27T08:35:00.001-04:00

How she started. Be safe friendlies and lovies on the East Coast. I can't believe I picked this weekend to be out of town. You're on my mind...

I love this

2011-08-22T03:57:00.000-04:00

"Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today."

—

- Lawrence M. Krauss

source

Yoga Room Rehab

2011-08-19T06:54:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday, a bunch of people and I spent the day in the bowels of a Newark, NJ school, painting an old classroom so that it could be re-purposed for use as a yoga room.

Why yoga? you ask. The kids in Newark are getting awfully new-agey, right?

Well, it started as an experiment. One of the kindergarten teachers is a yoga instructor and she decided to give it a try to see if it helped some of the anger issues they had.

Lo and behold, it did. So they found a room, but it needed a little work...
Because it was ugly. No offense to the person who picked out the industrial green, and totally non-matching blue trim. But it was ugly.

Really ugly.

Here we are, half way through the day, feeling pretty pleased with ourselves.

And here are two of us, at the end of the day, finishing up the trim.

And here it is finished, painted a pale lavender with a dark purple trim.

We even had enough paint to do the inside of the closets.

And the silver radiators match much nicer with the lavender walls.

We even did the doors!

And we got slightly covered in paint.

Next thing: buy fabric to make curtains. I'm looking at these really beautiful silk saris on Etsy.com. Once it's all ready, I'll post more pics. In the meantime, thanks to everyone who made the day so easy and wonderful.

Good Christians

2011-08-15T10:32:00.001-04:00

It's blurry but you get the gist. Click here for a clearer picture.

Two Cats

2011-08-10T00:35:00.000-04:00

You call this a portrait? I am not amused!

Source

Ladies and Gentlemen

2011-08-09T00:01:00.000-04:00

I give you a true Class Act.

Falling A Little In Love with Dennis Kucinich

2011-07-30T01:41:00.000-04:00

Shocking!

2011-07-29T06:55:00.001-04:00

I just don't understand what went wrong...

Makin' A Mess

2011-07-28T03:39:00.000-04:00

With thanks again to Sir Mitchell

Do-Goodery

2011-07-26T06:33:00.000-04:00

45 Reasons Why You Should Donate $1 to People In Somalia

Not to brag but I donated $20. It was the $20 I would have spent at CVS on gum, gel pens and bottled water. I can live without for a few more days. These people are seriously in need.

You can click the link above to see the 45 reasons or you can click here and donate as little as $1. Or as much as $20. Or $50. Go crazy.

$1 equals FOUR MEALS. Kinda puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

My Precioussssssss

2011-07-23T04:10:00.001-04:00

Heeeeeeeeee.

Thanks once again to Sir Mitchell.

Comic-Con

2011-07-21T02:01:00.000-04:00

Okay as much as I'd like to leave Kate up there for all time I know it's probably time to change it up a bit. Here's a little bit of fun, courtesy Sir Mike Mitchell:

Wheeee!

Kate The Great Slam

2011-07-14T04:01:00.000-04:00

You didn't really think I'd let this opportunity go by, did you? Not that there's really anything to Slam, of course. Our girl is utterly charming and delightful. And Kate's pretty awesome, too, huh?

Zing!

Just kidding, of course. I love me some Wills. I will NOT however be referring to them as Widdleton. I just won't. EVER. It's stupid and dumb and I don't participate and stuff like that.

Shut up.

Shall we get started? There really aren't bad, medium, or good categories, so I'm going to post them in order of awesomeness. How's that?

Gotta be honest: I don't love this. I've never been a fan of lace over anything and this just confirms to me that it looks too much like some kind of nightgown re-purposed for day-wear. I don't think lace can BE day-wear.

I'm pretty sure these three dresses are the same, but I couldn't swear to it.

.It's great, if a little boring.

Though I do love the jacket. On the other hand, could her shoes BE more boring? On the third hand, SUCH PRETTY HAIR! Also? I understand that the fashion in England is to wear stockings with outfits and I heartily approve. It's so passe to do that here but I do it anyway and from now on I can just say, "Oh, yes, well, it's very British."

I like this a lot. It's casual, it's comfy. I don't love the espadrille wedges, though. They seem just a HAIR too grandmotherly.

At the polo match in a belted, patterned dove gray frock that, like the espadrilles, also seems a tad too matronly.

I love the skirt. I don't love the top. It's okay. But it's not awesome.

The L.A. red carpet. Don't get me wrong I don't hate this. I think it's a trifle plain, that's all. It looks like Leisl's nightgown in The Sound of Music, but with a belt. Nice flowy skirt, though.

At the airport in the U.K in a navy dress and blazer. Totally adorable. With lame pumps.

Love this. Red is a great color on her and this outfit is just fab. See that maple leaf brooch? Take note: it'll pop up again. Well done.

Could this girl GET any skinnier? Seriously do they have a treadmill on the plane? Or did she have one brought to their room? Does she sleep or does she exercise all night? However she maintains it, can we all applaud? These skinny jeans and western wear are freaking adorable. Also? The two of them laughing together are also freaking adorable.

Another dove gray number, this time with some lovely pleats and folds up top. Love it.

I think you all already know how I feel about this hat. Allow me to explain how much I also adore the dress. It's very difficult to pull of white. This one is fabulous. The draping, the accessories (hello Maple Leaf Brooch!), the fan shaped clutch. I love it all.

And we have a another color. I'm beginning to think our Duchess looks best in primary colors. She rocked the red, the blue and now this purple. It's another drapy sort of dress than hangs perfectly on her. Love it. Although she might looks a tad TOO thin in this. Just sayin'. Also? Maple Leaf Brooch!

I thought this yellow dress was also fantastic. I didn't love the too-big buttons, but hey, life is short, you have to experiment a little, right? How else will you know what you like and don't like?

Unfortunately, the wind kicked up a bit on the tarmac and our lovely girl gave the paps an upskirt. Sad but true. At least we know she wears undies.

Another great (primary) color on our girl.

And from the front it's even better.

Back to dove gray. God, I love this one. The cuffs on her sleeves. The pointed collar. the matching purse. The fittedness of it all. And she's walking in heels on grass without sinking. She's rocking my world, y'all.

And speaking of shoes, I think I have to say that my only real complaint is that her shoes were so boring. And I don't think it's because she couldn't have fun shoes if she wanted them. Case in point:

Remember these? A little pair of L.K. Bennets that knocked my socks off which she wore with this little number:

My girl can put an outfit together than includes awesome shoes.

That might be all the Kate we get for a while. Now that they're nestled back home it's life in a house with your spouse for a while. That kind of sounds like the title of a children's book. Life In A House With Your Spouse. Something you can read through to prepare for married life...when your seven.

But I digress. From this side of the pond, we wish you guys much happiness. Thanks for stopping by and come back soon.

Gordon's Necktie Quilt

2011-07-13T01:50:00.001-04:00

Click here for more details and pics.

All quilts by kate are one-of-a-kind originals.

Finished July 2011.

Winter 2010-2011

2011-07-12T01:18:00.000-04:00

I think that today, when the heat index is supposed to get to 104 degrees here in sunny NJ, is the perfect day to remember waaaaay back when we were all complainnig about the cold and the snow.

The imprint of my back door on the three feet of snow that's caked against it.

The cars.

It took two hours of shoveling to clean off the driveway.

Seen from the car:

Can you imagine digging this out?

Let's just all take a nice deep breath of air conditioning and be thankful that we have seasons.

Griffin v. Bachman

2011-07-08T06:30:00.000-04:00

A thing of beauty.

I Love This

2011-07-07T02:38:00.000-04:00

I can't remember who I was talking to the other day but I was trying to express exactly this thought. Well done, Louis C.K.

Source

Nitwit

2011-07-05T06:11:00.000-04:00

I just sent this via the state senate's email system. If you live in NJ and are also disappointed, feel free to copy and paste this into a note of your own.

It was with interest that I read Sunday's article "Sweeney Has Strong Words For Christie". I know that what constituents want is almost irrelevant, but I do feel an overwhelming need to express my disappointment. If you really thought that any other outcome was a possibility, then you really are a nitwit. Worse, if you think that you'll ever be governor after the way you stripped workers of their rights, you're insane. I will never vote for you, and I don't know anyone else who will either. I won't even bring up your union ties and the double betrayal felt over that. Rather, allow me to comment on your family, specifically, your child with development disabilities. You have the means to make sure she is well taken care of for the rest of her life, and that's good. But thousands of families don't have your resources and depend on state workers to make sure that their children are taken care of. These state workers - the actual workers, not the upper echelons of double-pensions and take-home cars - make very little. And you abandoned them. If your goal was to alienate and abuse people who can little afford it, well done. Nitwit is too nice a word for you.

I know it won't matter, but he deserves for all of us to keep calling him a nitwit until he gets that we're pissed off.

Cory's Wedding Dress Quilt

2011-07-04T17:04:00.000-04:00

I finished another one...

Click here for more details and pics.

Finished July 2011.

I mean,

2011-07-02T02:43:00.000-04:00

how can you resist that hat?

Oh, Barbie, You Scamp!

2011-07-01T01:55:00.000-04:00

Wildwood Crest June 2011

2011-06-30T03:46:00.000-04:00

I think I've finally got my act together enough to post pics of our trip to Wildwood Crest. It only took two weeks, right?
The famous sign you have to pass in order to get onto the main drag, Ocean Avenue.

Us in front of the big W (why do I feel like I'm in a Spencer Tracy movie...)

On the boardwalk with Betty Boop.

On the boardwalk with...someone who doesn't look anything like Betty Boop.

Palatial estate seen while on a walk. This looks like something you'd see in Cape May not sleepy little Wildwood...

Dolphins that look like they've got their hands on their hips. Made us giggle.

At the Tiki Bar. We'll definitely be going back.

The insides of some sort of sea creature...we think a sea horse, but we could be wrong.

And on that note, I'll end with how much fun we had and how nice it was to see family from far away.

Till next time...

Newsweek is Creepy

2011-06-29T02:38:00.000-04:00

And for the first time in my life I think Photoshop is creepy. What the hell is wrong with these people? Do we really need an article about what Diana would be like at age 50? And if so, do we really need a photoshopped picture of her standing next to her now daughter-in-law? I find this to be so distasteful.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Heeeee.

2011-06-28T01:53:00.000-04:00

Source

Gaybies!

2011-06-27T01:40:00.001-04:00

Source

How to Deal With Climate Change Deniers

2011-06-25T09:58:00.000-04:00

In Case Anyone Needs A Reminder:

2011-06-11T01:38:00.000-04:00

This is why we don't go in the ocean. Ever.

If nothing else...

2011-06-10T01:25:00.000-04:00

...at least they're really happy.

Yes, I'm back to making fun of people. What of it?

Source

Do-Goodery

2011-06-08T05:13:00.000-04:00

The Newton Street School in Newark has recently added yoga to the curriculum to help kids (grades 1-8) deal with some of their anger issues. Apparently, it's been a tremendous success, so much so that they're going dedicate a room in the school just for yoga.

The room, while difficult to get, is in a bit of a shambles. My Senior Youth Group decided this weekend to undertake the project of "renovating" (i.e. painting, fixing shelves, etc.).

Any help you can give is much appreciated. You can sponsor a single yoga mat, yoga blocks, yoga blankets, one wall of paint, etc. As much or as little as you like.

I personally am going to work with the youth on the room making curtains, painting, etc.

Specific Needs:

30 blocks - foam

30 yoga blankets

30 straps

30 mats - SPONSORED!

Curtains installed (equipment - they will provide materials for curtains)

Painting

iPod - SPONSORED!

iPod player

This is a great opportunity to do something very tangible and very good for kids who wouldn't otherwise get what they need. And it could literally cost you just $5.

Contact me with any questions. Any amount is appreciated.

If you have gently used yoga supplies we'd love to take them off your hands. Thanks!

Golf!

2011-06-07T01:00:00.000-04:00

Played my first round of golf for the season on Memorial Day weekend (thank gawd, as I totally needed Monday to recover). While out on the edges looking for balls, wait, I mean, while sailing through fairways in pursuit of our perfectly hit balls, we chanced upon a bunch of deer.

And these deer were the opposite of afraid of us:

Just hanging out, watching, grazing. You know how it is.

And the closer we got the more placid they got.

Lifting her head up just a smidge, to see if I'm at all interesting. A second later she put it down again. I am totally not interesting to a deer.

Mom's Trip East

2011-06-06T00:54:00.001-04:00

In Times Square.

At the Met. I posted this on Facebook with the caption,
"Wait, hold on, I just got a text".

The destination.

St. Patrick's Cathedral

Mimosas and lunch at my new favorite theater place Don't Tell Mama.
By day it's an unassuming little cafe with excellent food.
By night it's a piano bar featuring some of the best drag queens in town.
Don't Tell Mama, indeed.

Awesome on a Plate

2011-05-25T06:46:00.000-04:00

This otter makes me so happy.

Also stolen from Sir Mike Mitchell

Gone

2011-05-24T01:42:00.001-04:00

The Crapture.

Stolen almost verbatim from Sir Mike Mitchell.

Curmudgen?

2011-05-17T11:49:00.000-04:00

Or Cuddly?

Loving Bill Murray all over again.

Source

Just Out of Curiosity...

2011-05-10T06:21:00.000-04:00

...who exactly needs this many satellite dishes?

Covet

2011-05-05T03:59:00.000-04:00

My friend says this was included in the new Staples email newsletter. Who wants to buy it for me?

Met Costume Ball Slam 2011

2011-05-04T00:21:00.000-04:00

And the categories are: WTF Just Happened Here?, Mediocre At Best, and LOVE.

As always, we'll start with WTF Just Happened Here?

Michelle Williams
For reals, WTF Just Happened Here? I mean, I get that these outfits are more for shock value than anything else and that, much like the Grammy's, we shouldn't read too much into them, but this is just a mess. Gold birds appliqued onto black fabric? I think I did that once - in second grade! And even then I had the good sense not to design my fashion around it!

Naomi Campbell
I don't even know how to describe this. It's like Bjork's swan outfit jumped into a blender, someone pureed it and this is what came out. Awful. Just completely and utterly awful.

Kirstin Dunst
Blach. Did someone take a peasant dress, add sequins and cut out the shoulders? I thought this was a costume ball. That means you're supposed to reach a little and not do what you'd normally do just with sequins.

Iman
I would almost - ALMOST - throw this into the LOVE category except for the fatal fact that those are PANTS. Pants that need to be HEMMED. Go to your room, Iman, and think about what you've inflicted upon us!

Fergie
First of all, collagen much? Seriously, Fergie, you look like a duck! Second this dress is just too much. There's too many weeds all over the damn place and that, combined with your very aggressive decolletage is making my eyes hurt.

Dakota Fanning
Speaking of making my eyes hurt. It's like someone took Elizabeth Taylor's awesome dress from that movie with Monty Clift and gave it steroids. Oh, how I hate you, weird daisy dress. Let me count the ways.

Christina Ricci
Okay, Christina, I give. I apologize for asking you to eat a sandwich all those years ago. It was rude of me. Uncle. Okay? Are you happy? Will you please burn this monstrosity now?

Beyonce
Yuck. I hate the silhouette. I hate the cut out. I hate the choking grip the dress has on her neck. I hate the gold pattern. I hate it all.

Alicia Keys
Speaking of hate. First, why brown? There are a million colors out there, why choose brown? It's incredibly difficult to pull off brown. Second, if you're going to choose brown, why add a hugely collared jacket to the mix? It's awful.

Christina Hendricks
Speaking of brown. Christina, honey, I'm so disappointed. The color is just blah, and though the cut could have done something wonderful for you, it's ruined by the pattern of the color up top. It should have been emerald green, maybe in velvet. But this rusty brown? No.

Taylor Swift
I don't even know how to describe this other than to say her stylist clearly hates her.

Rhianna
And speaking of hatred among stylists for their clients, what the hell is Rhianna doing? This looks like Morticia Addams' wedding gown. And the long red braid doesn't help, it just makes her look extra crazy.

Mediocre At Best

Kerry Washington
This is completely inoffensive except for the fact that it's a terrible color on her and the bodice looks like it used to be the top of someone else's bikini. Nice try, Ker.

Penelope Cruz
I really like this but I wish it weren't black. This is a costume ball, Pen. That means if you're not in a costume you should at least try to be a little different from the norm and I swear this is SO "the norm".
Olson Twins
I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but the one of the left actually looks semi-cute and the one on the right continues to look batshit crazy, so I'm putting them in the Mediocre category because it's sort of half way there for both of them.

Nicole Ritchie
I love her hair. I don't understand her dress. She's pulling off the "wear white without looking like a a bride" challenge, but the sleeves really bother me. The cutouts are one thing, the length is another. If they'd been cropped to three-quarter length and still had the cutouts I think I'd be fine but the combination is weird, right? Tell me I'm not wrong.

Rene Zellweger
Could this woman look more psycho? It's like she's trying to communicate with her mind, "I am sexxy, photogs. Look at my body. It's almost like you can see through my dress, isn't it? Am I not SEXXY?" No, Ren, no you're not. You look like you could use Christina Ricci's sandwich. Also, can you even see anymore? The squintiness of your whole face makes me very nervous about your ability to drive without hitting something important. The dress is just eh. It's the same color as her skin which is breaking the second cardinal rule of celeb fashion (for the first rule, see above re: wearing white), and it's nice sheath but it's giving me nothing to work with.

Sarah Jessica Parker (David Borneaz in the background)
Ditto, SJP. I want to sing-song at her, "Bo-RING!" Also, I don't like that the pattern of beads draws the eye to the diamond shape just below her hips. What are you trying to tell us, huh? That you're still fertile? Honey, that ship sailed, okay? Please stop.

Kate Hudson
I'm so not digging this on her. And I know she's totally prego, I get it, but when she was prego with her first kid she was still able to find flattering outfits and dresses. This just isn't one. Also, did she clip a brooch to the top of her forehead? Why, Kate, why?

Kristin Stewart
Eh. I think she needs a higher degree of contrast. The dark red against the black is doing nothing for her. Clothes should make you look better. Fabric and color should make your face and skin and eyes LOOK BETTER. And this doesn't. It's almost as if it's wearing her and not the other way around.

LOVE!

Madonna
I usually am extremely critical of the material girl but I can't help it. This is awesome. I love the color, the cut and the very 1940s vibe I'm getting from it. She looks totally hot.

Jennifer Lopez
I am also usually very critical of J.Lo and I supposed I could be here too, lots of other critics have been. I really like this, though. The color is fantastic on her, first of all. The wraps and layers of it are fun and the weird flowering bolero is kind of kicky and adds just the right amount of attitude. Well done, Jen.

Jennifer Hudson
If the gray overlay were another color this would be Best In Show. The bodice is fantastic, the full skirt is fun and the gathers of fabric make it very feminine and just really lovely.

Gwyneth Paltrow
I really kind of like this. I like the sleekness of it and I really like the openish back. It's a great color. The gold really brings out her skin and her hair. Lovely.
I also love the deep slit up the side and her champagne-colored platforms.

Lea Michele
I really like the cut of this dress and the folds in the bodice. I wish it had been a slightly softer color as the tomato red isn't really doing it for me but since she's hugging Gwyn who's totally in the winner's circle I'll overlook it just this once.

Jessica Alba
I really want to use the word diaphanous when I look at her. Now, okay, I'll be the first to admit that Jessica Alba isn't my favorite. I don't actually think she should ever be referred to as an "actress" because standing in front of a camera and reciting lines isn't acting. It's reciting. However, I'll give her this: she can pull it out when she wants to and put on a dress that is absolutely awesome. The color is perfect on her, her hair is loose and very gentle and her jewelry is at a minimum. She looks really great.

Diane Krueger
Awesome. I love the high slit up her leg, I love her shoes, I love the top, which is perfect for a night out in early May, and I love the little satin belt. She doesn't need jewelry because her top is shiny enough and her with her skin and pale hair the red lippy is just the right pop of color. Love it.

Giselle Budchen
My friend Giselle is suffering from the exact same malady that's plaguing Lea Michele. Love the dress, wish it didn't remind me of ketchup.

Salma Hayek
She looks so utterly lovely in this that it pains me to wish it were a better color. It's a bit too beige for my liking and really, the layers and gathers of fabric could have been so perfectly displayed if it had been, I dunno, blue or green or even white. Also, is the left side of her bodice slightly lower than the right? Is it an optical illusion because it's over just one shoulder? I'm not totally digging it but I really appreciate the effort and I mean, hell, it's Salma Hayek.

Blake Lively
I really wanna hate this. It's so showy and look-at-me-I'm-different! but I guess that's what everyone here is trying to shout, right? Still, even though it's not my taste I can't really fault her for putting it on and looking awesome. Although, ever since she went from yellow hair (hi, Tina Fey!) to ginger her ~~fake tan~~ skin has been looking more and more orange, which might be why I think the dress does more to conflict with rather than compliment her skin tone. It looks like a body stocking with damask appliques all over it with someone's living room curtain draped over one shoulder. And she's in the LOVE category. What is happening? Is it bizzaro day? I think I need to lie down. And maybe a drink. And perhaps neck massage from Don Draper.

Ginnifer Goodwin
First, awesome color, especially against her pale skin. Second, this is what Kerry Washington's bodice should have looked like. Third, all of her accessories are spot on: her shoes are great, funky and fun, her bag is small and matches the shoes, her jewelry is stunning, her make up is demure and her haircut is awesome. BEST IN SHOW.

And that's it, Chickadees. With much love, as always, until next time.

Ciao!

Royal Wedding Reception Slam

2011-05-03T18:05:00.001-04:00

Love this on Kate. Love the dress, love the spangly belt, love the fuzzy little shrug, love her hair, love it all.

Camilla on the other hand makes me think, Diana wouldn't have been caught dead this. Ergo, it sucks.

Ciao!

Royal Wedding Slam

2011-05-03T06:08:00.001-04:00

QEII, looking rather splendid in this buttercream yellow jacket and matching dress and hat. I didn't like that her triple strand of pearls was sort of only half visible. I wish she'd gone with either a choker or a longer string but such is life. The brooch is fantastic. The hat is rather ho-hum, though I'm sure that's exactly what she wanted it to be. She of all people wouldn't want to outshine the bride, which was more than possible since she is the freaking queen. And for a woman of her age I'm pleased to see that she's wearing teeny tiny little heels. I was expecting orthopedic corn-resistant, extra comfy uglies, but what she's got on are really kind of cute.

Posh and Becks. He of course looks quite dashing in his suit and tie (is that sort of tie actually called an ascot? I wish I knew). She on the other hand looks kind of freaky. The shoes look uncomfortable and her legs look rubbery which I suspect is from trying to find a comfortable way to stand while prego and wearing five inch platforms. The dress is very blah but the hat is really rather smart. It's kind of fun, actually. Sort of whimsically perched on her forehead like that. I have to wonder how they keep them on though. Once upon a time there were hatpins which a woman stuck through the hat and a big mound of hair. Since the hair fashions have changed I am really curious about what kind of glue they use to keep their chapeaus in place.

Pippa and the kiddies. Let's be honest here, they look so incredibly adorable. I can't figure out if Pippa is wearing white and if so I'm not sure I like it, but perhaps in Britain wearing white to someone else's wedding isn't a big deal. Also, I'm fairly sure that Kate chose the dress, or at least helped choose it so she probably wasn't upset by it. The capped sleeves combined with the plunging vee cowl neckline worked perfectly on her and the sleekness of the column was beautiful. The girl looks like she might be even tinier than Kate herself.

I forget who these two women are but I'm really digging their outfits. First the pop of blue is fantastic. The dress is marvelous and though the hat is a little weird looking (I kept waiting for it to take flight) I think it works on her. The woman in purple is also a stunner. The color is great, she's kept it simple with nude shoes and a fur wrap so that her hat can enjoy the sunshine of adoration which is so richly deserves. I love it.

Carole Middleton, the bride's mother, looking demure in pale blue and a sweet hat. A little dull for my taste but mother-of-the-bride isn't supposed to wow people. She's supposed to show up looking lovely, cry a little, kiss her daughter and pretend to be happy with her new son-in-law. Carole looks more than up to the task.

Camilla Parker-Bowles-Windsor, my nemesis. Honestly, I had a really hard time looking at Cam because every time I did I would think, Diana would NEVER have worn something so frumpy. What the hell is wrong with your hat? Diana would have spit before putting on something so stupid-looking. And what the hell is going on with your shoes? Diana would have chosen something far lovelier. So, just in case you weren't sure, this is a pan based solely on who she isn't.

Andrew's girls, the Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. I couldn't even begin to tell you which is which, so let's just go with Ugly and Beige, okay (these names apply only to their dresses, not their faces, though the teeth on Beige makes me think of hundreds of years of Hungarian inbreeding...)?

Ugly is wearing something from a very famous designer, I can't remember who just now, but that's okay. If I told you you'd probably never want to wear anything from them ever again. It's like a failed Impressionist painting on top with a plain blue skirt on the bottom. Definitely too many bows up the front. The hat is interesting I guess, but a little too pointed over her forehead, which makes the two tufts of hair on either side look even more drably brown.

Beige on the other hand is kind of awesome. I love the jacket, the smoothness of the line, the length, the pleated skirt underneath and the criss-cross pattern on her shoulders. It's fantastic. Also, the simplicity of the outfit allows the hat, which is also pretty awesome in a wedding-cake-gone-awol kind of way, to really shine. I sort of which is weren't on her forehead but I can live it with it I guess. Also, though I think she's got too much eye-liner on, I totally adore her shoes.

Elton John looks more and more like a middle-aged woman every time I see him. I've been thinking this for years and never said it out loud but LORD. I can't hold back anymore. He looks fine. I like the Easter egg colors of his vest and tie and I think David looks rather dashing in silver and gray. Maybe comb your hair next time, El? I dunno.

Chelsea Davy, Prince Harry's main squeeze is looking a little rough around the edges, no? I could be nice and say her outfit is ill-fitting or I could be mean and say that it looks like crap. Also, what the hell kind of hat is that? Did you find that in some antique shop and though you'd give it a go? If you ever wanna be in Kate's shoes you need to start making an effort, okay?

The Bride looking utterly lovely. I love the heaviness of the veil. I love that it's not all fluffy and puffed out but pressed against her. I love the cut of the dress, the detail on the lace, the vee of the bodice and the full skirt. She looks exactly perfect.

And one more of the happy couple and their attendants. Looking very happy indeed.

The cake. Beautiful and delicious-looking. Which is all you can ask for really.

And that's it. It's so rare to get a slam this time of year that it sort of threw me. I apologize for the delay and hope that my witty repartee was worth waiting for.

Until next time, Possums!

Awwww

2011-04-29T06:54:00.000-04:00

Melting my cold, cold heart. Love the dress. Totally love the veil. They look awesome. Coming soon, a Slam on the guests - best hats, worst frocks. It's gonna be a party.

A Question

2011-04-24T14:39:00.000-04:00

If when the women got there and the angel rolled the stone away and they found the tomb empty, how do they know he was resurrected on THAT day, the THIRD day? He could have been gone by Friday night.

Just saying/wondering.

Is it just because 3 is a big, important number in Christianity?

Happy Easter.

Can I Get Another Round of Applause

2011-04-21T00:42:00.001-04:00

Halle Berry, in the midst of a custody battle that has kept her off Broadway indefinitely, turns up someplace looking absolutely completely smokin'. First, the color of this is just perfect for her skin-tone. It pops.

Second, the cut of the dress is fantastic. Usually an empire waist is used to hide whatever stuff going on in the torso region (baby bump, hamburger with nachos, etc.), but in this case the rest of the dress is skin-tight and Halle is completely stunning.

I even like the sleeves, which you know is something. I normally hate short sleeves but these are all ruched and pretty. I don't love the shoes because I can't quite tell if they're flat sandals or heels, but what the hell. If my biggest complaint is that her heels might not be high enough, I think I should shut up. Even her jewelry is great.

Well played, Ms. Berry. Well played, indeed.

A Round Of Applause

2011-04-20T02:52:00.000-04:00

Reese is almost always fantastically attired, but this is just beyond the pale. The cut is beautiful, the graceful little bubble skirt could have been so teeny-bopper, but instead the fragile foliage makes it very adult and demure. This actually reminds me of something she could have worn to the after-party of her own wedding. She's glowing, supremely happy and utterly beautiful.

And the shoes aren't bad either.

Nicely done, Reese.

Sheentastic

2011-04-19T02:43:00.001-04:00

Or not.

Dear Charlie Sheen, You're starting to look homeless and it's offensive to homeless people. They have standards, you know? So take your train wreck off the tracks already. We're done here. Love, Kate

Source

Oh, Internet, You Scamp!

2011-04-18T06:50:00.001-04:00

Ride 'er hard, Paula.

Source

Science Is Our Friend.

2011-04-14T00:09:00.000-04:00

If You Say So, Fox News

2011-04-13T06:37:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to not to post all my angry thoughts related to politics (we can't afford anything because of the deficit, but we can absolutely afford to give the rich another tax cut, planned parenthood in jeopardy, the perpetrators of the financial disaster left to continue on with little or no continued regulation...), so instead I've been posting pictures like this, which accomplishes two things.

First, it makes me smile. Second, it reminds me that it's all just bread and circuses, anyway.

Awww, Yeah.

2011-04-07T03:46:00.000-04:00

You know what I'm really good at?

Parallel parking. BOOM! Look at that distance. In just one try, too.

Fun with Money

2011-04-04T01:46:00.000-04:00

Source

Happy Saturday

2011-04-02T02:46:00.000-04:00

Source

Lost Cat. No Reward.

2011-04-01T01:39:00.000-04:00

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Poster

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks, Shan

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news.

Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up?

I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats.

Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short.

As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet.

Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me.

An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants.

I liked that cat.

Poster as requested.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please.

Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism

I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat.

I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it.

If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke.

A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute.

As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work.

I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Source. Thank you, Elizabeth Banks. You rock. 30 Rock!

Sideshow Bob Strikes Again

2011-03-31T00:57:00.000-04:00

Can someone please explain to Rihanna that looking like a Simpsons character isn't sexy, no matter how far out you stick your butt? Thanks. I appreciate it.

Words

2011-03-30T06:14:00.000-04:00

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.